There is plenty of do’s and dont’s in the world of web logging (blogging), and as a pendantic person I always try to make the perfect weblog (blog) system. The search term –the perfect blog– is a string I always use, and this time I found an article that’s mildly(!) sarcastic about the dont’s. I simply couldn’t keep my hands of it. The article is written by John C. Dvorak and it lists up eight rules that points out the things not to do when you are blogging. Here is the 8 eight rules for the perfect blog, enjoy:
- The right attitude. Make it clear that you spend the day, week, or month sitting on your rump reading other blogs instead of looking for work. Or if you actually work, make it clear that you are writing the blog at work, because you hate your job.
- Community. Prove that you’re a dedicated blogger by citing at least five other blogs that you just read. Praise them ad nauseum. Then comment on links that their authors discovered and cut and paste these links to your blog. If you’re trying to jazz up your blog, italicize the text that you cut from the other blog. Add a sentence or two as to why each link is so cool. Teasers work well too. “Can you believe this?” or “What is he thinking?” or “How can anyone be so wrong?”
- Humility. Blog daily. If you miss a day, use the next day’s entire blog entry to apologize profusely. Explain in detail the fascinating adventure you had that caused you to miss a day of blogging. Make sure to rave about how great blogging is and why everyone should blog and how blogging will change the world.
- Rich language. Show that you’re an independent free spirit by adding a lot of profanity to your text. Profane headlines and general cussing show people that you are an autonomous thinker not bound by the silly conventions of society, those lousy rules that make you have to work for a living when you should be getting a check from the government just for being alive!
- Jargon. Pepper your text with words like screed, grok, gonzo, meme, and other bloggerisms to show that you are a hip and with-it blogger. Women bloggers should use the word sister a lot.
- Controversy. Make sure your blog page has a list of your favorite bloggers, and hound them to put your blog on their lists. If you get removed from someone’s list, make a public outcry and demand to be returned to the place of honor, or threaten to take the other blogger’s name off your list. Go through this routine weekly with someone.
- Humor. Give your blog a cute name, perhaps even using a pun. “Blog on the Run.” “Blogday Afternoon.” “Bloggin’ Fool.” “Hot Blog and Relish.” Or name the blog after a title of a great novel: “The Sound and the Fury,” “The Naked and the Dead.” In a pinch, use “My Blog.”
- Specialize. If you want to trumpet the fact that you’re a rockin’ techie, constantly harp on Linux, and link to the cool scripts you’ve written. Link to a lot of anti-Microsoft diatribes. Use 6-point type and no page breaks, so the blog looks like source code when it’s displayed on the screen. Add color to make it even more unreadable. Use the word warez now and again.
So, now you ought to know what to do, if not, please, DO NOT contact me!